Cold, dead hands.

Fun fact of the day: national park rangers are the most frequently assaulted federal employees in the U.S. I'm guessing that this is because their job largely consists of playing buzzkill to prevent forest fires and other destruction resulting from douchebag revelry. They're also tasked with stopping poachers. They're also unarmed.

Those are just a few reasons why it made perfect sense to pass a law allowing people to carry guns into national parks, effective today, as part of HR 627, more popularly known as the Credit Cardholder's Bill of Rights.

Yeah. They did that.